The Honest and Meaningless Truth

So it's been a while but whose paying attention to these things anyway? Its not like I'm not keeping count... Honest.
What's happened since I last posted? I've just turned 20. The official point of life when you realise you've been on this God forsaken planet for two decades. Along with this realisation is the doomng thought of 'what the f*ck have I been doing with my life?' Who knows? I mean really. What is an achievement? Living in general is pretty high on my list. I mean, I may not be famous or have the ability to bathe in hundred dollar notes but I am alive. I am breathing. I am living. I am grateful for what ever I achieved, whether I know about it or not.
The thing that has been ringing around my mind however, is the daunting conclusion that I may not achieve my dreams. Does everyone think about these things? Does everyone come up with the same conclusion? Does everyone have doubts... I doubt. The emotional tidal wave did seem to swallow me whole after this revelation and I can't quite swim under all that pressure. The sad thing is that I lost faith in myself and I doubted my ability. It was probably because I realised how much work was required from me and how much effort I was putting in; not enough. In the event of these thoughts I did come across my one saving grace. Who cares if I fail? Only me. No one else cares. Even your own family can see ahead in the future and know that it wont matter then. People only care if you succeed. I should only care if I succeed...
I am now 20 years old and I don't know if I will succeed. But, I'll tell you now that I am going to try my fricken hardest to get there, where ever it is that I am going and I will do it with style. So all you 20 year olds out there! Let's bring it, honestly.